I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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