the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
