If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
