he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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