just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize