I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
