I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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