You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
