if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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