dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
