I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
