Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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