Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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