and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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