And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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