We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
