just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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