Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
