imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
