It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
