Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
