I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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