I seem to have left my pride at pride
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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