did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
