So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
