They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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