Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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