Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
