M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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