From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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