Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
