I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
