I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
