So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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