i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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