oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
