i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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