Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
