Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
