Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize