1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
