and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
