I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
