don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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