do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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