Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
