I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I CAN MOONWALK!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
