Your mouth is God's brothel.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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