You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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