Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
