I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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