Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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