and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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