is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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