it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it was like eating out sand paper
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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