i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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