I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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