meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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