with your own penis?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
