I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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