I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
