He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
