i don't like sucking hair
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
