Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
