Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this boner is exhausting
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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