Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
