the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
