ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
