before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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