A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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