Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
