So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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