Cold hands, warm shart.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
