i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
